I’ve found myself lately confronted with an issue that I’ve never had to explore before: the concept of our money.
What does this mean? How do we go about splitting your expenses from my expenses? Your income and my income? My debt and your…well, the BF doesn’t have any debt to speak of. He paid off his car in December. So how do we deal with that issue?
I’ve always been a strong believer in the independent woman thing, where you never tie yourself to or rely on any man for what you want/need. I can’t help it. I was socialized this way from an early age.
Our situation is somewhat typical, I see it all the time. I make less than the BF. Significantly less. We’re talking 20k. He has assets, I don’t. I have debt, he doesn’t. He’s older than I am, he lived at home through school – something I didn’t have the opportunity to do – and I traveled the world for an exchange and have continued to obsess with travel since. This doesn’t upset me, as I made the choices I thought were best for me, and he made many more sacrifices than I have to stay debt-free. I don’t know how I would have survived commuting to university while living at home. To be honest, I’d love to be further ahead than I am (hence this blog…) but I can see the value in the experiences and trials I’ve had. Therefore, no complaints.
But where to go from here?
Anything we’ve been talking about lately has been an us and we kind of decision. Going on vacation, buying a house, even new shoes seem to be a decision made by the household because it ties into the disposable income we have to spend later on.
Joint accounts? Joint mortgage? Joint credit? It’s all so confusing and overwhelming.
How did you deal with these issues? #help!
Hi, just found your blog. My hubby and I also have a huge discrepancy in income (he makes $44K/yr more than me!) so I’ve just had to be more diligent in how I spend my money in order to pay down my debt and save. Luckily he’s been on board the whole time and supports my decision to get out of debt quickly which means I don’t contribute 50/50 to our joint expenses or even activities or going out. Not that I think its fair in every situation or even your own, but what I think is fair for couples with income disparagies to do is to just use a percentage based on income.
Here’s an example. I make $52K and he makes $96K that’s $148K total. I make 35% of this total (52/148) and he makes 65% so it makes sense for him to pay 65% of the bills and me 35% based on that formula.
Be sure to keep the discussion about finances frank and open, its much easier to deal with these issues early on in the relationship with an open dialogue than later on if you’ve never discussed this.
Sorry for the long comment but I hope it helps. Good luck!
Thank you so much for this! Don’t apologize for the long comment, it’s so helpful! I am going to bring this suggestion to the BF and see what he thinks. This seems like such a no-brainier when you lay it out, but I was so overwhelmed… You’re the best. Thanks.
No worries, I hope this helps
I just read this post and I don’t know if you still need an advice on this topic. But my take on our money is our money. I know you’re not married yet so that’s a whole different story, but as a married couple, my husband and I combined everything, our debt and our income. He makes twice as much as me, but he doesn’t care. We are supposed to be one, not a roommate, so we use our money to tackle our debts together and save together and etc. I don’t think this means you’re relying on the other person. There is more than monetary value that you bring to a relationship. I hope this gives you another way to think about this especially if you’re thinking about marriage.
Thank you this is so helpful. I’m coming around to thinking like that, even though he’s been ok with helping for a while now. I’ve just been brought up thinking that I’m not ‘successful’ unless i’m 100% independent, which is bogus.
I learned that if you bring your money together, it helps you to be more open and honest with each other. You don’t want to nickel and dime your spouse. Good luck~!!